Are you looking for a Russian Wife? This is a list of things that you should be aware of before starting the process of finding, meeting, and possibly marrying a Russian woman.
1. Decide this is what you really want to do
This is a serious undertaking. It will not be easy, fast, or cheap. If you are not sure this is what you want to do, you will most likely give up. Think to yourself why you are really interested in finding a Russian woman. Can you afford the process? By this I mean can you afford to spend the money and time to go on a trip to the FSU (Former Soviet Union), are you established enough to provide a home or an apartment for a new wife when she comes, etc…
If you are committed you do have a very good chance of success. How do I know this? Because I was once in the same situation you are. I simply made up my mind this was what I wanted to do and then I did not stop until the goal was achieved. You also have something I did not: a coach! I will be with you every step of the way, through my articles, manual, consulting service, and even an online “crash course” in how to find, meet and marry a Russian woman.
2. Be persistent
Once again, this is not an easy or a fast process. You may go through obstacles. For most guys, it takes several trips before they meet the right woman. I was engaged after my first trip, then realized that we were all wrong for each other! The second trip was basically done to get over her, and it took several more trips before I eventually met my wife. But I guarantee you it was worth it! Be prepared for obstacles. You will have women that you feel are perfect for you suddenly stop writing. You will inadvertently offend one or two ladies. Things will happen. What is important is that you keep ongoing. Keep writing, calling, searching.
If you are persistent, you WILL be successful!
3. Be prolific
You need to write to a large number of women. The more the better your chances are. If you only make contact with 5 ladies, maybe only 1 of them will decide to respond to you. Maybe after a letter or two, she decides that you are not really right for each other. Or maybe you decide it would not work out with her. Then you have no one else and have to start at the beginning again! It is far better to start out by writing to 100 ladies, through a well-respected marriage agency that specializes in women from the FSU. Click here to view my current recommendations.
Out of 100 letters, you will probably find 20-30 that will respond to you. After one or two letters, maybe about half of those who initially responded will have dropped out of contact—either by your decision or hers. So, 100 letters should probably give you 10 solid contacts. That is a good number to start with.
The same goes for calling and searching. If your numbers ever go down, send out a few more letters. Keep looking for new ladies to meet…you never know who is out there!
4. Use an agency or web site that specializes in Russian women
It would be a big mistake to start your search for a Russian woman at a place like Date.com or match.com or even Yahoo Personals. Sure, they have some Russian women using these services, but these places are not familiar with the realities of life in the FSU. They will be able to offer you no advice, help, or service.
Also, a woman who is using a big, general dating service as mentioned above will probably know English pretty well. You should ask yourself why? Many of the foreign women on these sites are only interested in separating you from your wallet! They have learned English only for this purpose. I am of the very strong opinion that the very best women you will meet from the FSU are the ones with limited English. I am much more suspicious of a Russian woman who speaks English well, unless it is in some way connected with her job, i.e. English teacher, tourist agency worker.
On the other hand, a site which specializes in Russian women can give you very good advice. This can range from customs (do you know how many flowers to give your Russian woman so that she does not take offense?) to help with getting you an apartment or an interpreter for a meeting or a phone call…to any special request. Is Yahoo going to help you like this?
5. Don’t rely too much on her photo
These women are very beautiful. However, I strongly caution you against falling in love with just a picture. Are you happy with your driver’s license picture? Her photo could be a year old, it may not really represent what she looks like now. Her hairstyle or color could be different now. I once met a woman in person who looked nothing at all like her photos. She later told me they were almost 2 years old! She even had different color hair! If the photo is of paramount importance to you, then by all means ask! Ask how long ago it was taken, if she is happy with those photos, and if she still looks like that (meaning hairstyle, color, etc…) As a side note, I should add that Russian ladies change their hairstyle and color more than any other group of women I have ever seen or heard about!
The photo is nice as a starting point. But from there, try to get to know her. Her personality, likes and dislikes, etc… See if she is a good person, someone you would like to meet and perhaps be with. Marriage is a big commitment. Don’t decide just based on the photo you see on the internet.
6. Make sure you are talking to a real woman!
This one is crucial! There are many dishonest marriage agencies operating today in the FSU. These companies will even go so far as to steal photos of sincere ladies from other dating sites and put them on theirs! Then, of course, the letter back to you from “her” is fabricated by an agency worker. You must ensure that you are communicating with a real woman.
Glad you asked. You first need to examine the agency itself. Do they have a phone number and address clearly listed? Call them. Do they have someone you can speak to—in English? How many ladies’ profiles do they have on their site? 100 profiles is a bare minimum to be considered, especially if you are following the advice above and being prolific!
Does the agency allow you to exchange all of your contact information? Or do they want to be in control of the process? If you are only able to send letters via their email system it will be very difficult to determine if she is real and knows who you are. You need to get her phone number (s), her postal address, and any other contact information that she might have. Contact her using different methods—call her, send her a small gift in the mail. Maybe even do these things without telling her (just so you can see her reaction).
7. Do not send money!
This is also a no-brainer. Do not send money to a woman you have never met. Just don’t do it, I don’t care how good her story may sound. An honest and sincere FSU woman just will not ask you for money. I remember when I started dating my wife she would not accept anything from me in the way of money. It was like pulling teeth to even get her to accept money for a cab ride! These are proud women. Remember that they have lived for a long time without you to “help” them.
I understand that the $30 or $40 she is asking for on the internet is not a lot of money. But also remember that the average wage in Russia, Ukraine, and the FSU (with the exception of large cities like Moscow and St. Petersburg) is about $300 a month. Maybe your sweetheart has another 10 guys all sending her $40 each. A nice little business without a whole lot of work. Not only that but sending them money encourages new scammers to start when they find out how easy it was to get it! Additionally, many of these scam artists are men posing as women! Do not be fooled. Keep your money until you take a trip!
8. Show her you are for real and you are seeking a Russian wife
When you are communicating, whether it is through email, postal mail, or telephone, show her you are serious. Ask serious questions—about her, her family. Find out what kinds of things she is interested in, what her dreams and goals are. Ask why she has considered meeting and possibly marrying a foreigner. Find out everything you can about her. She will also be trying to find out the same about you. For her, it may be a bit more difficult since her English will be limited. There are always interpreters, but you should be prepared (at least in the beginning) to do more of the talking. As she sees that you are serious and interested in her (and hopefully just plain interesting as well!) she will start to relax and open up—and then talk much more!
9. Try to understand her
Even before making yourself understood. She comes from a culture that is very different from yours in many ways. Yet maybe she has not sat down and come to this understanding. She will expect to treated in certain ways and certain Russian customs to be followed while you are courting her. If there is something you don’t understand (and there will be) ask her to politely explain. Then you can tell her it is similar to how this is done in your country. Or that it is a completely different custom from what you are used to doing, but it seems very good.
Try to get into her head. Ask what she thinks about many different topics. Learn all you can about her. Send her small gifts that show you remember conversations you had or that show you are thinking of her.
Only after you are doing this, can you expect to be understood yourself. When she sees you making such an effort, she will want to do the same for you. Most Russian men do not pay this much attention to their women, so she may be very surprised or shocked at first. Keep it up!
10. Be honest with your possible Russian wife
Answer her questions honestly and openly. Do not misrepresent yourself. If you do meet in the end it will be much more painful if you were not honest. The biggest thing about this is you just need to be yourself. Do not be afraid. They are not seeking a rich man who is going to sweep them away from a hard life into the lap of luxury. No, they only want to find a man who will love and respect them; someone they can love and respect in turn.
11. Be ready to visit your future Russian wife
In order to marry a foreign woman, it is a requirement that you have had a personal meeting. This is best accomplished by going to her country since it is highly unlikely that she will be able to get a visa to come to the USA (or any other Western country for that matter). I do not mean to say that you must know ahead of which area of the FSU you would like to see, nor do you need to have the travel agent’s number on speed dial! Just be ready to go and meet her when the time seems right.
About the “right time” for a visit. I have found most Russian ladies only consider a foreigner to be a possibility until he actually comes for a face-to-face meeting. It is not considered a “real” relationship until you are standing in front of her. They know that very few of the men who start out in this process will end up on a plane to the FSU. In my own experience, I would estimate that only around 5% of the men who ever send a letter or sign up with a marriage agency end up seeing any of these wonderful, sexy ladies in person. What a shame! A Russian woman will give you about 6 months to finally decide to make travel arrangements. If you are still unsure, she may move on and focus her attention on other guys that she figures may be more serious than you. This is an unwritten rule, but many ladies have told me this, so I feel safe in communicating it to you. Also, after a meeting, they will generally give you up to another six months to propose marriage before feeling free to move on. Just something to think about.
12. Don’t be afraid to take the lead
Russia and all of the FSU is a very male-dominated society/culture. If any of today’s “liberated” American women were to see the FSU, they would go crazy with rage! Be that as it may, a Russian woman will not only expect you to take the lead, she will want you to. One of the biggest contrasts (to me) about Russia is that the men are generally seen as the leaders and head of the family, but yet they are notorious for not assuming this role! Many of the women are tired of having to make all of the decisions for the family, tired of supporting their lazy, deadbeat, drunkard husbands, ex-husbands, or boyfriends. They want to be with someone who is a “real” man. A man that will lead them, protect them, and make them feel free to be weak. Free to be a woman.
This attitude may be difficult to understand for many American men. Feminism has really clouded our understanding of the traditional roles of men and women.